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Friday, January 27, 2012


4                                    Jesus and Allah    In a Universe far away we hear a teacher speak to the class, “All right, next, we have Jesus and Allah. Are you prepared?” God classes are never easy, and Jesus enjoyed having someone to work with.

“Yes ma’am we are,” said Allah as he nudged Jesus to start the presentation.
“Well…our idea was to evolve life on a planet much like ours using the common template. When these hominids had advanced sufficiently, we introduced this, like….voice from the clouds that said 'I am god and creator of the planet.' "  
Jesus nodded to his friend Allah to continue .“God wrote a complicated story about how he got to be god, and there was enough people who believed it eventually to run the world", noted Allah. "They even burnt all other books and destroyed knowledge wherever it could be found. We introduced a contrasting religion a few hundred years later to compete with this so-called one true religion." 
“And get this,” Jesus continued,” if you didn’t have faith in these invisible dieties you would go to a plane of existence where many tortures awaited. Eternity was to be spent in constant agony to pay for sins.” The class chuckled a bit realizing how gullible these experimental people were. Maybe just a flaw in the program, illustrating why gods have to practice before they create soul-bearing, immortal beings.
 “Should I tell the Ben Franlkin joke?” Jesus asked his best friend.
Allah nodded in dissent, “no, they won’t get it. That’s our little joke from this experience.”
They finished the power point presentation and took questions. “Did these 7 billion people have souls?” someone asked.
“No, that was too much work frankly, we didn’t have the time.”
Another question posed was, “Didn’t any of these people figure this out? What you were doing, I mean.”
Jesus said, “yes, there was a movie called The Matrix which came pretty close.”
The sheer complexity of the project guaranteed them a good grade but by working closely together on the video, the class was impressed and so was the teacher.” There’s no I in team,” said Allah to Jesus. When they found out they got the best grade in the class they high fived each other.
Todays Lesson: Work together for the best results kids.
Later that week, the computer program that contained their project (our earth) was disposed of in the vaporizer by the janitor for safety reasons. The evil created was determined to be toxic biowaste and there became a necessity for disposal.

1 comment:

  1. When Gandhi died he went to Hell because he was a Hindu. He recognized two historical figures immediately and went to engage them in conversation. "Buddha, what are you doing here?"
    "Seems the Christians were right about Hell."
    "Ben Franklin," Gandhi asked, "are all the great thinkers in Hell?" Satan was standing on a nearby cliff with a fire hydrant filled with pepper spray. They were standing knee deep in pig excrement from Smithfield Farms and though the stench was sickening, Gandhi was heartened that he was going to be able to engage many great minds and said, "It's not so bad here...really."
    Buddha and Ben gave each other puzzled glances and Satan announced, " Okay everyone, break is over, back on your heads."